Last night

I have these groups of friends, each group so different then the other.
Last night was a hard night for me, harder then I orginally thought it would be, and I had been pretty sure it would be horrid.

I drifted off to sleep sometime before the haze of dawn started appearing through my window.

I have this friend that I called last night, he is the only one I thought might understand what I needed. See some of my other friends, while they are good friends, and we can hang out lots, they are not the type of friends that offer to help hold you up when you feel like falling down. Some of my friends just really suck in the care and comfort area, and I guess that is why most people have different groups of friends, so that we have people to be there for each area of our life.

Today I wake up thinking that I might have finally turned a corner, or at least I am able to look ahead and see a corner that I know I will be turning. A year of grief, guilt, anger, and last night I took it all on. I miss the people that have gone off ahead of me, last night I sat and spoke with some. Nothing like a conversation with ghosts and shadows to straighten you out. Maybe it is jsut that I finally started to grieve at all. This month has always been a hard month for me, but now, it doesn't feel quite as bleak as it did before.